Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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