I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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