how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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