i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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