how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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