my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
