do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
