Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
