in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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