Too much gin, very little bucket
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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