Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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