everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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