i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need a beard to bite.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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