I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
