Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
