dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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