hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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