I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
