I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Pooping to opera.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
