the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
