I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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