OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have aggressive nipples.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
