Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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