3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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