the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
