i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
