I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
