i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
