So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
