That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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