how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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