They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
