Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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