i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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