capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't put those talents on a resume
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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