I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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