You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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