I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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