There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize