time to smoke my breakfast
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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