So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
