I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
