You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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