If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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