My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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