Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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