don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize