I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize