dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
