I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize