we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
