Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
