Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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