It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
