he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
