Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize