official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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