There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
