you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
