I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't notice because vodka
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
