I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize