Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
